Are You a Parent about to Send Your Child to College? Watch Superman.

As a professor at a Christian University, parents of incoming students often ask me, “Will my child’s faith change if they go to your school?” My standard answer is, “I pray it does.” I think we all would hope young adults’ faith grows, deepens, and becomes richer the more their beliefs are tested in the world. I now have an additional answer for the moms and dads concerned about their kids: “Watch James Gunn’s Superman. Then you will understand what is happening to your child and maybe pick up some helpful tips along the way.”  

Let me explain.

SPOILER ALERT!

Clark Kent (aka Superman) is a good kid who is living out his life believing what his (birth) parents told him—that he is to be a servant to the world. 

Then Clark discovers that his parents’ message is tainted; the belief system they gave him was not all he thought it was. This realization creates a crisis of faith in the young man. He is unsure whether following his parents’ beliefs blindly is a good thing.  

In his dark night of the soul, Clark turns against the words of his Kryptonian father and mother (and turns himself in to the authorities). He finds that he can’t abide by that decision either, which leaves him a little lost. Who is he now? 

Clark returns to his adoptive parents, and his earth father offers some counsel. Pa Kent reminds his son that the role of parents (either set) is not to dictate to their children. Rather, parents pass down tools so their kids can find their own way.  

Clark makes his choice. He models himself on the humanity of his adoptive parents and transforms their life lessons from head knowledge to identity. He embraces his humanity.

EVERY PERSON’S JOURNEY

As a professor, I fall into the same trap as many parents. I often want my students to hear my words and blindly accept them—end of story. But I also know that the knowledge I impart isn’t all that sturdy until it is internalized, which is perhaps an image for knowledge becoming wisdom.  

Everyone who has a deep faith has been on the same trajectory as Clark. They confronted the fact that their parents’ faith is flawed. All of us have flawed faith—hopefully not conquer-all-humanity-and-get-yourself-a-harem-level flawed—but we are all imperfect. “For now I see in a mirror dimly; but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV). 

A person must make their faith their own. 

Clark ultimately rejects his birth parents’ path and reinforces his adoptive parents’ faith. This healthy conclusion is possible for a few key reasons. 

KEY #1 – LOVE, NOT JUDGMENT

The full message from Clark’s birth parents is finally repaired, and it becomes clear that they sent him to earth to conquer. Ma and Pa Kent hear this message, just like everyone else does. But their response is different. Rather than throwing soda cans at his head, they send the boy a stream of concerned messages. 

They do not focus on the wickedness that others are seeing. They do not jump to conclusions. Instead, they recognize that their boy is hurting. A voicemail of “How dare you embarrass us this way? We thought you were better than that!” would only send Clark deeper into his spiral.  

Jesus says that there are two big laws: love God and love each other. Lead with these, the Master says, and the rest will follow naturally (my take on Matthew 22). Ma and Pa Kent lead with love. 

Note that the Kents don’t affirm the Els’ message. They don’t just say, “You do you,” or “all choices are equal.” Still, they lead with love, not judgment. They offer Clark support in the darkness, support while he is lost, support even before he returns home.  

KEY #2 – SPACE

Ma and Pa Kent give Clark space to internalize his faith. Pa points out that Clark’s actions define him, not what Jor-El and Lara say he should be, not even what Jonathan and Martha say he should be. They are guides, but Clark alone must determine his identity. 

Ma and Pa hope and pray over that choice, of course. They suffer along with their son when the choices are not healthy ones. Still, the decision is the child’s to make. But the Kents have done more than hope, which leads to the next key. 

KEY #3 – TOOLS, NOT JUST TOLD

Pa Kent explains to Clark that the role of parents is to give their children the tools to make their own choices. “Train them up in the ways he should go…” is how Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) puts it.  

The nuance of “train” is important. Jonathan and Martha Kent don’t just tell Clark what to believe or how to be; they teach him the principles behind their beliefs. Jor-El and Lara tell Clark what to do; the Kents impart to Clark the philosophy behind what to do. It is the difference between demanding a child share her cookie and showing the child how to see the world from another’s point of view (thank you, Atticus Finch). The first child will learn to appease her parents in the moment; the second will learn empathy. 

In the first half of the movie, Clark is good, but he doesn’t really know why. During an interview, he can’t get Lois to understand why he does what he does. He knows right from wrong, and he does right. But he can’t explain it, in part because it is not yet his own. 

At the end of the movie, Clark can explain it. He confidently tells Lex exactly who he is. He now knows in his heart and soul, not just his mind.  

This process is messy, and each decision Clark makes from here on out continues to be messy (“I screw up all the time, but that is being human”). Yet he has the tools to make those choices. 

KEY #4 – SHOW IT

One of the reasons Clark’s ultimate decision aligns with his adopted parents’ faith goes beyond telling or even teaching. His parents showed him the way to go.  

Jesus said a lot of great things. He modeled even more: how to serve (John 13), how to pray (Matthew 6, John 17), how to treat others (Matthew 9, John 8), how to give of oneself (Matthew 27). “For I have given you an example…” John 13:15 (ESV).  In Luke 6:40, Jesus tells us that we are to be like our teacher. It’s good to have models.  

There is a funny moment in Superman when Clark struggles to find the right buttons on Lois’ recorder. There’s another humorous moment when Martha Kent has trouble properly using her phone.  

The similarity between these two scenes isn’t a coincidence. Clark is modeling Martha and Jonathan, not just in how not to use technology but in how to behave. We know from these scenes (and other context clues) that Ma and Pa did not just tell Clark how to live; they demonstrated it themselves. Clark knew their belief system was real because it matched their actions.  

The movie ends with Clark rejecting what his Kryptonian parents told him and reinforcing the actions his Kansas parents displayed. Clark was shown the way.  

GO AND DO LIKEWISE

Allowing children to step out on their own to become people of faith is scary. There is no guarantee they will come out of the darkness and end up where we would like them to be; there is no guarantee they will come out at all. 

Faith is a dangerous thing. Moving faith from knowledge to heart and soul is also dangerous. Still, our children have a stronger chance if we learn from the Kents.  

Love. 

Give space. 

Give tools. 

And give them a model to follow.